We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
