I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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