Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
