New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
