I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
