if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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