I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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