it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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