Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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