i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Found your dick twin last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
