He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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