I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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