Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
