i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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