I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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