She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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