the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
