New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Panties = found
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize