I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
