it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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