Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So vagazzling was a success
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
