I heard we made out
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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