her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
