We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
