my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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