I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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