my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
