our cab driver is having phone sex.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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