we're blogging at a bar
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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