It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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