just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
