That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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