dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
