If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I fill condoms, not promises.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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