if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
