I met the friendliest cop last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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