oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
