we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
