Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
