If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
