You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just blew my weed a kiss
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
