Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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