I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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