Got a toothbrush?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
