Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
