for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
