Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
