I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
