i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize