Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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