I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
