I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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