Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
