Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
