Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize