I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
