I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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