Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
