The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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