i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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