have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Princesses don't give blow jobs
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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