You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
