We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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