if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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