why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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