If that was your dad, he is hot
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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