??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
