So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
