i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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